Synchronize My Gastric Juices

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Synchronize My Gastric Juices

Have you talked to someone lately, maybe over the phone or even across the table from each other, you usually try to synchronize the conversation. It seems to help, if one is talking about herding pigs, it helps that the other one talks about herding pigs, you’re sort of on the same wavelength and you can communicate better. I would call that synchronizing a conversation.

Years ago it would probably start off with a lady sitting up straight at a switchboard, her hair done up in a tight bun, pencil behind one ear. She asks, “Number, please? Then, plugs you into the switchboard. You were ready to synchronize conversation with the person on the other end and possibly others. Yes Mable, “I know”, “she had a boy.” “How did you know,” Oh? “party line”.

I think our nation might be ready for a whole new field of study on how to synchronize conversation between two people. We should be able to converse easily between two to start with, at least when only one language is involved. Something has happened, it seems to be generational. We have one group of people talking the same language but it is almost impossible to understand by the other. Possibly the older group of people lack good hearing. This could get to be a problem, at least until all the older ones kick the bucket.

I had a message on my answering machine the other day and I played it, at first I thought it was a foreign language but it wasn’t. I played it again with hardly any difference. I played it four times trying to at least get the telephone number. I had no idea what the message was. I could not even tell what the phone number was from the message. I tried to synchronize the message by breaking it down into parts but that did not work. I had a list of who I thought might have tried to call me and I started to call a few numbers and I tracked it down. I suggested the receptionist might consider slowing her talking down a little.

Evidently, some of the younger folks have a problem understanding my language. After a doctor visit my wife and I stopped at McDonald’s the other day to get a quick burger from the drive-up window. I placed my order 2 times and “I asked the girl inside if she was sure she had it right.” She said, “She did” but it wasn’t right. Evidently, there were other cars having the same problem because several were waiting in a line out by the street for someone to bring out their food to them. The poor manager was trying to re-synchronize all of the messed up orders, he had a very, terrified look on his face.

There is another big, very expensive thing to synchronize, that is our financial system. Wall Street kings have their own magical means when it comes to transferring money from Cayman Island or Swiss bank accounts and getting it to the proper place to buy a few trillion stocks on a second’s notice, no one really knows or seems to care if the money got synchronized in time or not but the stocks change hands and the world goes on.

The high flying, Financial Wizards want to put multiple credit cards and debit cards in every young person’s hands. They want them to have every opportunity and every possible way to use them, from cell phones to telephones, to just about anything you can imagine. I guess wrist watches now too. They want all the Young Folks to have these easy, handy, financial instruments and then synchronize their accounts accordingly, so they have funds in their accounts to handle all transactions, whether it might be on the internet or at a drive-up window or a thousand other places. Can you imagine the overdraft and late charge fees? That borders on criminal!

I was dozing off in that drive-up lane last week, my wife would wake me up saying, it’s time to move up Dear. I would move the car about ten feet and we would wait some more. I’m glad I didn’t see how long we were sitting in that drive-up lane because I have a tendency to start boiling over, the car does the same thing too.

The vehicle in front of us finally got to the pay window. I told my wife, she’s handing her cell phone to the cashier in the restaurant. She would stick her phone in the window, the worker inside would scan the phone, they did this to three more times. The girl in the car would type something on her phone and stick it back in the restaurant window, she would scan it again. This went on far too long. Evidently, the young lady couldn’t transfer funds to synchronize her accounts. She finally got out her purse and paid with cash.

This is a true story. I have always said truth is much Stranger Than Fiction. The young lady evidently did not know how to synchronize her different accounts yet. I can visualize the day coming, the drive up will scan your eyeball, you take your hamburger and milkshake and ride off in a driverless car. Thinking I will not be here to watch or be a witness to that, WRONG probably next year. I can still synchronize my right and my left shoe.