The Jiffy Plumber

sink 3 - Copy
DAILY PROMPT
Jiffy
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The Jiffy Plumber

Bob, the kitchen sink faucet is leaking. The water is dripping down into my tote box full of cleaning supplies, please fix it. Do you mean now, this is Sunday night? Yes,”I mean now, you will be at work tomorrow.” OK, I will have it fixed in a jiffy.

I will go get my tool bag, bring me one of the small sofa cushions. I will have to lay on my back and work with my arms and hands in the air to reach the pipe fitting, can’t lay on that hard sink cabinet. I will also need something for light, it is too dark to see the pipes good. Betty I can’t see anything up above, bring me that small table lamp, plug it in by the toaster. Great I can see real good now.

I will just turn this fitting about a half a turn and it should be just fine, Oh-oh that didn’t work, it seems to be leaking worse. I better tighten it just a little bit more,”oh crap.” Betty,” I just broke the pipe fitting, there’s water squirting all over the place. The water instantly busted the hot bulb in the lamp. BETTY, WHERE ARE YOU ? I’m in the bathroom. What are you doing there? You had to go?

GET OUT HERE, I’m being electrocuted! That lamp has me cornered like a Cobra, if I try to move the electricity from that broken bulb tries to bite me on the arm. Hurry up and get in here, pull the plugin out of the wall and pull that lamp out of here.

I can’t shut the water off, the dummy who put these faucets in didn’t put shut-off valves under the sink. Betty says, “You’re the dummy Dear, the one that put in the faucets” I’ve got to get downstairs quick and shut the water off, this is ridiculous. Why me all the time, Murphy’s Law rules my life.

He got the water shut off to the kitchen sink. We got water all over the floor down there even in the furnace room. Bob asks, “Why did you ever decide to carpet that other room?” Don’t blame me for carpeting mister fixer, you’re the master plumber around here. Now you have ruined a new sofa cushion too.

Bob says,”Well at least you have water in the bathroom.” Betty, “Joy oh joy isn’t that just great.” We’re going to live with this mess now until we get someone to come in and clean it up on Monday or later.”You and your Jiffy jobs drive me crazy, Mister Good Wrench.” Bob says,”That’s the auto mechanic.” I am your Roto Rooter Man. Shut it up Bob.

“How about some jiffy popcorn to help make things right?”

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Mother / Cat

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Princess at Kitchen Table

I have to laugh my furry little old butt off at times. They talk to me like I’m a person but those two still think I’m a cat! Lee is such a pushover, I knew if I acted real sickly and underfed he would bring me into the house and that’s exactly what he did, many, many years ago. Rose is gentle and filled with love, as every good mother should be, she is my baby.

I worry about Rose, her health hasn’t been very good lately, she is suffering from every lung condition in the books, along with diabetes, even dementia. That makes days very hard for her, so I try to be really nice to her and show her lots of love and affection. I sleep by her feet all night and always sit on her lap in the recliner, she pets me constantly.

Lee doesn’t seem to be the Rock Hudson, she thought she was getting when she married him way, way back. I love to just sit with Rose and I know my presence makes her feel good, which is very comforting to me. She yells at me at times, about not to do certain things but I know she doesn’t really mean it. She hollers, “watch your claws a lot,” while I make biscuits on her stomach, or scratch the furniture. That’s what cats do, for crying ‘meow’ out loud!

Lee is always coming up with special names for me like Dumb cat, or Damn cat, my name is Princess. I have a Royal Countenance about me, everyone can see that. If Rose asks, “Did you feed Princess?” He always says something really dumb, like, ‘have you got an alligator?’ He thinks his so-called Terms of Endearment are really cute. When he does these things I have something special for him. I have the power to make a sore pop out in either one of his nostrils, or both, like an ingrown hair and it will stay sore for 3 or 4 days. I could put a boil on his butt too. He is very fortunate, I did like him a little at one time.

The hair on my back almost stands straight up when he forgets to empty the cat box on time, which seems to be quite regular. I thought he was going to have a heart attack one day, I pretended to do my job next to the Box. I got a big laugh out of that one. He was screaming at Rose, “Your cat is peeing on the floor.” Rose knew better because she knows me and trusts me in a special way. Lee asked, “Why has it been my job to empty the cat box since day one?” You brought her to the house! Why should I be punished for doing a good deed?

My tired, sore old body was still in bed at 9:00 AM today. I had a busy, half scary, long night thinking about our families, my own and my wife’s family, and the many cats our families have had through the years.

This following message came to me in a dream. My mother-in-law passed away at age 80, that was approximately 17 years ago. She did make a promise to me, it was something like this. If there was a way, ‘she would make life very uncomfortable for me, if I didn’t treat her daughter Rose right.’ It was more or less a threat. No, It was a threat, “You be good to my baby girl or you will have no peace and rest in your lifetime.

It then hit me, I brought princess into the house 17 years ago, shortly after my mother-in-law passed away. It surely can’t be possible! Did she come back as Princess? Her hair was snow-white, like the cat. If that is the case she wasn’t in limbo long, that is understandable, the keeper of the gate just looked the other way.

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Rose, “I will feed Princess and take the cat box out right now.”

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Edible Equals Survival

Edible
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Edible Equals Survival

I want you young folks to start digging, as fast as you can into this hillside, we’re going to make our selves a little tunnel that will have a room at the end of it. We want to get as far back in as we can, that’s why I had you carry all the tree branches we could find. They will help hold the sides and the ceiling up so we don’t have it cave-in on top of us later.

Slide the dirt out to the front of the hole on that tarp and dump it down the hillside. Some of it will slide down by itself that will help make a little wind break after a while, also it will be clean dirt to sit on.

Great uncle Simon lived this way when he first came from Norway it 1888, He and his family dug a hole into this same Hillside, that’s where they spent their first winter, even brought the Ox in during a bad blizzard. Later he built this stone house.

We’re going to use the two standing walls of the stone house to help protect our cave that we’re going to have dug below it. One reason Simon picked this location, there is a spring that comes out of the hillside and it flows down into the edge of that slough down below. Hopefully, a clean water supply.

We have carried just about all the dried food, canned goods, and bottled water that we could get our hands on, we’re going to have to ration all of these items very carefully, to make them last as long as possible. I’m afraid we’re not going to find any food out in the wild that is going to be safe to eat for a long time. Frogs from the slough might be our first fresh food. We will have to hope that heavy rains come that are not full of radiation that will help give us a fairly clean start.

This project could easily have been done several years ago, or even last year but who would have ever thought the world leaders would have been crazy enough to start firing nuclear missiles at one another.

It looks like living through this nightmare, is going to all depend on limiting the amount of time we come out of our little cave, trying to catch water from the spring before it gets out on to the contaminated ground, and most of all making our edible items last as long as possible.

It appears we will have drinking water to survive on. The edible food will be the major problem to overcome, if we can get through this first year, the lake is close by, we will have to figure out a way to catch our life-saving fish, that is if the frogs don’t come back. We will literally have to pool all of our talents and live off the land. Many things will become edible!

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Shrink Portion Sizes

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Portion

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Shrink Portion Sizes
Trying to lose weight is a very serious problem for millions of people. I never gave it much thought when I was younger and active all the time. Now as I’m getting older, if someone makes me laugh I can feel my stomach jiggling. Ho, Ho, Santa Clause, I am not! That was a wake-up call from the lobby in my brain. That is where my thoughts all lounge around exchanging notes on one revelation or the other. Anyhow, from reading my blog, I think my thoughts just stay in the lobby most of the time lately. There was one recent non-fattening, rumination. I’ve started to realize, maybe I have a weight problem.

No, not me, I’ve never had a protruding stomach before, why would it start now? A profile look in the full-length mirror solved that question instantly. That’s when I started to think about the portion sizes that I ate.

Cutting back on portion size seems to be one of the main topics when it comes to serious weight loss discussions. I have ruminated over the portion size for a long time now and I don’t seem to come up with a good answer. I tried a smaller plate but then I wanted to figure out a way to put side boards on it so I could pile the food up higher. Like the farmer did with his Old Wagon box years ago, He put sideboards on his wagon so it would hold a lot bigger load, very crafty, indeed. I cut a healthy baked potato into fourths lengthwise, for my sideboards.

I have always eaten the leftovers, it would be Bad Manners to eat them directly from the serving bowl. I guess that is why I came up with the idea of the sideboards. I never did consider throwing away the leftovers because that would be very wasteful. I think of Benjamin Franklin who said, “Waste not, want not.” I certainly don’t want to be wanting for anything in this day and age.

I have also considered exercise, as we get older we do need more exercise than one or two brisk walks around the old recliner. I can make it around the recliner once or twice a day quite well. When it comes to exercising I seem to run out of gas in a hurry and then the next day the pain reminds me, exercise requires using your muscles and now those muscles will be sore all day. That must be where the old saying use it or lose it comes into play. If you use those muscles over and over again they won’t hurt so bad the day after. A good workable exercise program does require a little butt-kicking, but if you don’t have someone there to kick your butt for you, kicking yourself in the butt to get started is a very hard thing to do. I have tried it, and I just end up on the floor and then I can get back up again.

I realize that is no excuse not to exercise, so I stand in front of the recliner now and do about 100 knee bends a couple times a day. The old knees are getting right back into shape, I can get up from a chair again.

I have purchased a set of pulleys to hang from a door top for arm workouts, also stretch bands to put around a door knob to do rowing exercises. You can purchase a low-cost arm bike that you can sit down at to do arm exercises like you pedal a bike, you’re just using your arms instead of your legs. If you live in an area where they have fitness centers you can join Humana’s Silver Sneaker Club and get a discount or use the exercise equipment free at different locations.

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The insurance companies and the government would love to see all of us in much better physical condition than we are at the present time. I have to admit, it is a very worthy goal to work for. I have finally come to the conclusion the portion size is really the master key to this whole weight gain or weight loss problem. It isn’t rocket science or Scientific evidence of a black hole. Even if both of them partially described my ravenousness appetite.

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Buff the Blues Buff the Shoes

buff

Buff Beach Bodies

 
Daily Prompt
Buff

 

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Buff the Blues Buff the Shoes

Buford was a young boy from the country, they had no neighbors for miles. Buford loved to run around in the buff as a little boy, his little body was brown as a berry from top to bottom. Young Buford loved the country life but as he saw more movies on Saturday night at the movie theater in town, his thoughts wandered to Sunny California. He fell in love with the movie stars in California, young and beautiful, buff bodies at all the ocean beaches. His mind made up, still a teenager, he just had to go and seek his fortune on the Gold Coast. “Go West Young Man,” as Horace Greeley said. Buford had read that someplace, now it was his time to take action. “GO WEST, YOUNG MAN, GO WEST” was an expression first used by John Babsone Lane Soule in the Terre Haute Express in 1851. It appealed to Horace Greeley, who rephrased it slightly in an editorial in the New York Tribune on 13 July 1865: “Go West, young man, and grow up with the country.”

Young Buford went West hitchhiking and catching rides on freight cars, he arrived at the Pacific coast ready for action. He found out work was very hard to find, he got a janitor job sweeping up at one of the movie studios. He soon realized that was as close as he was going to get to the movie stars. He didn’t think his chances of being discovered there with his talents was very good. The young and beautiful did go to the beaches, he mingled with all the buff bodies playing volleyball in the sand, frolicking in the ocean and just plain having a good time 24/7.

Buford soon realized the young ladies at the beach were not paying very close attention to him, he didn’t think he was that bad looking, he had to come up with a plan. That evening on the way home he stopped by the market and asked for a baking potato, a fairly long one. The store manager asked, “Are you sure you only want just one potato?” Buford replied, “that will be just fine.” The next time he went to the beach, Buford placed that potato in the front of his swimming trunks, it was as if a magic wand and been passed over him, the buff, young girls were all looking at him very closely now.

Young Buford couldn’t get a decent steady job, so he decided to join the Army, he was quickly sent off to boot camp, to the world he had no idea existed. It was certainly a new way of life for the young Farm Boy to become accustomed to. One thing he did like about it, after standing in the chow line the food was well worth it and you could eat all you wanted. Buford took to the chow hall very quickly.

One thing Buford was not very comfortable with was being yelled at and taking orders from a drill instructor, who seemed to dislike the young fellow from day one. Buford was told to shine and buff his pair of boots until they shine like two mirrors. He worked for hours, used the whole can of Polish, plus lots of spit and many rags and buffed and buffed. He finally ended up with a shoe shine that he was very proud of, he could actually see his face on the toes of his boots. He was ready for any inspection the ornery old drill instructor was ready to give. Sure enough that same morning after close order drill they had an inspection.

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G I Shoe Shine

 

 

The Drill instructor looked down at Buford’s boots and asked, “Is that as good a shine as you can buff out?” “You better learn to buff your shoe shine a lot better than that, buff, buff, the buff is what it’s all about” Then he stepped on one of Buford shoes and wiggled his foot back and forth and completely destroyed the shoeshine Buford had spent days working on. Buford asked, “Why did you go and do that?” Then the Drill instructor did the same thing to his other shoe. Buford suddenly became bitter with buff!

I’m certainly no psychologist or war expert but I would think there must be a better way to get the troops mad enough to want to fight.

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Non-Notorious Me

notorious
Daily Post
May 19, 2017
DAILY PROMPT
Notorious/

Did You Know?
“Notorious was adopted into English in the 16th century from Medieval Latin notorius, itself from Late Latin’s noun notorium, meaning “information” or “indictment.” “Notorium,” in turn, derives from the Latin verb noscere, meaning “to come to know.” Although “notorious” can be a synonym of “famous,” meaning simply “widely known,” it long ago developed the additional implication of someone or something unpleasant or undesirable. The Book of Common Prayer Offices of 1549 includes the first known use of the unfavorable meaning in print, referring to “notorious synners.”
Notorious

Non-Notorious Me
I just read the meaning of notorious in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, all of a sudden I became very depressed. Notorious can mean widely known and well-known for good things. It could also be well-known or notorious as a bank robber, or an Axe Murderer. What really shook me up, I don’t believe I’m notorious for anything.

That leaves me somewhat in limbo, twisting in the wind, so to speak. I will have to study this hard, try to recall comments from anyone and everyone, for clues about any notoriety I might possess. It could be good and it might be bad but not secret, then nobody would know, I don’t even know for sure because nobody tells me. Some give me funny looks. Somebody gave me a clue once, I might have bad breath. Being notorious for bad breath would be the world’s worst thing to be notorious for! I didn’t take a chance, I easily solved the problem with a case of sen-sen. Many who are out of the loop don’t even know what it is.

Somebody gave me a clue once, I might have bad breath. Being notorious for bad breath would be the world’s worst thing to be notorious for! I didn’t take a chance, I quickly, and easily solved the problem with a case of sen-sen. Many who are out of the loop don’t even know what Sen-Sen is.

sen

We are sad to announce that Sen-Sen has been discontinued by the manufacturer and our supply is sold out. We are disappointed too. sen-sen

Now, what shall I do? My world just came crashing down around me, my bad breath could be the end of me, as I know myself. The Sen-Sen company is out of business I believe it’s an act of treason, this country, and the world will not be able to survive without Sen-Sen. Soon everyone will be wearing respirators and surgical masks,. I can see the handwriting, scrawled all over the walls, written by some Notorious graffiti artist.

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In Head Collaboration

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Collaboration

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In Head Collaboration

I have been working in collaboration with a keen mind, someone fairly close to me, as I attempt my writing endeavors. I have been attempting to use this new collaboration process for a couple years now. There is one small glitch to it, the one I am working with seems to go off on some weird tangents at times, seems to be lost in his own little Wilderness a lot of the time. This makes it hard to complete a writing assignment for a daily post word prompt, or for any post that I decide to write on my own, without prompting from WordPress. There are times when I feel I might be collaborating with the enemy. In this case that should not be a treasonable offense or one that might carry the death penalty, which is comforting to know.

This collaboration that I’m referring to, with my often distracted friend is my first attempt at knowledge management. It is a very effective method of transferring ‘know how’ among individuals, therefore creating and sustaining a competitive advantage. Collaboration is a key tenet of knowledge management. The successful merging of similar ideas strengthens the overall message that comes from any collaboration, it can be a very powerful tool to use in attaining the finished product, or in my case the story as I would like it to be published.

The one I work in collaboration with is my subconscious mind, we have worked together for years, with some confusion, one often seeking more credit than the other. What I have to do is developed a more effective way of communicating with my subconscious thoughts and ideas. I will have to possibly work on my dream decoding and recording device because a lot of these ideas are formed while in the state of REM sleep or rapid eye movement sleep. There is low muscle tone throughout the body, and the propensity of the sleeper to dream vividly. When there is a gap or short circuit getting that information to the conscious mind and to the computer keyboard the problem develops quite rapidly. Mishmash, gibberish, and mumbo jumbo are hard to decipher.

I cannot really blame my subconscious assistant, as I know he means well or at least tries to do his best. We just have to develop a better means of communication with one another. The one thing we must do is continue to collaborate one with the other on a more equal basis.

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Knackered and Knocked Out, Down Under

kangaroo

knackered

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Knackered and Knocked Out, Down Under

I had a strong desire to return to Southeast Asia after 50 years, to see how much had changed. That desire had been like a small rodent gnawing on a nice piece of fine cheese, growing every day. I am a somewhat conservative and very independent old bloke. Or maybe I’m just an old country bumpkin, bloke. So anyhow I planned my own Southeast Asia Tour. I did not use a travel agency. My itinerary included Tokyo, Hong Kong, Bangkok, Jakarta, and Hawaii on the return leg of my trip.

I stayed far too long at the Nipa Hut, it was still located at Sukhumvit Sois 16 & 18 in Bangkok. I  almost missed my flight to Jakarta. After I got on my plane and was well situated in my seat, my eyes were studying the star sapphire ring I had purchased in Bangkok. I was sure I got a very good bargain on it. I had consumed far too many drinks saying goodbye at the Nipa Hut. Staring at my Star Sapphire, it seemed to hypnotize me. I went to sleep, a very deep sleep. When I woke up, to my astonishment, I was told I was in Sydney Australia. I could not believe I could be sitting there at the airport, what to do now?

I had a very short talk with myself, “what the heck,” I always wanted to be an Australian, I will just stay right here and become an Aussie. I can do it, I got a lot of that pioneer spirit in me, just have to find me a place, like an old worker’s cottage In a small Out Back Australian town. Live like back in the first gold rush years in the 1850’s. Live off the land, so to speak, that sounds fun and easy.

After traveling and searching for several weeks. I got myself all settled into my little cottage, thinking I could live off the fat of the old land. Wasn’t much fat left! Sourgripes about my self-induced lifestyle ran rampant, my vineyard never flourished. A traveler happened by to visit, to my relief. I, being the poor unthankful blighter, unloaded my burdened soul on the unsuspecting fellow. I must say, Mate. I just recently had one of my worst days ever and I’ve had many a bad day in my time. I became bloody knackered, knocked out so to speak, from a few lefts and rights from a kangaroo.

I didn’t want him running amok, but I could not handle him, or tie him down. I knew I had to find some genuine Aussie help from the outback. I sought out someone who was in the know when it came to wallabies and kangaroos. I needed professional help for sure, I could see the handwriting on the wall, next to all the tanned hides. Makes me feel like I’m about to shoot through, leaving my hide hanging on the shed. LmRNdQiQ

On top of all that. My Boomerang would just not come back, I didn’t know Jack about what to do with that blasted thing. I must learn to use this boomerang, or I have to pack my bag and start trekking out of this country. I don’t think Meals on Wheels come this far out! How shall I get my game for survival, without my dang boomerang?  I now know the true meaning of being knackered. I have been both knackered and knocked out, more than once.

Charlie Drake explained the boomerang to me, I don’t think it is supposed to have any negative meaning to it.

Part 2

I have been down here in down-under close to 10 years, one day i was sitting in the shade of the old shed, thinking about all the different hides hanging out there on the wall ‘n’ where they came from. i did quite well with the Boomerang  when i learned how to use it. sitting there in the shade with my koala cobber.ith the I said, sid, you know what? sid grinned like he knew. you know, i don’t believe i did miss my plane to jakarta! i think i got on one that was headed for sydney. i named you after my life changing trip. i don’t regret a minute of it.

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