How old do you have to be before you can learn how to use “self-locking” bags and “handy wrap?”

Many cases have been reported of people being found after they were missing for days. They were so tangled up in their plastic wrap they couldn’t call 911.

This morning I put something that I thought was worth keeping in a magic bag. I pulled the slider too hard. It came off the end of the bag. What to do now? I spent about 10 minutes trying to put that sliding mechanism back on the end of the thing. My balance is awful, so I was leaning heavily on the kitchen counter. It would not go back on. They did not make it to do that!

As I got ready to give up, I had a brain Flash, Farction, or something like that. Like a small dazzling lightning bolt, “Walla” cut the corner of the bag on an angle. The corner got trimmed. I got that nasty little plastic slide thing back on the bag, and it even worked. In my moment of Glee, I almost lost my balance and went over backward.

The slider did work, but I stopped before it got clear to the end, not wanting to do a repeat performance. A clothespin on each end or one in the middle would help, but I guess that would be high-tech stuff.

When they come to take me away, it will most likely be from the kitchen.

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