Confined to Quarters

Confined to Quarters
Being confined to quarters can leave one feeling low and depressed. There is little to cheer, amuse or humor you unless you have small kids at home with you. I’m confined all by myself, just me and my thoughts, that’s scary by itself. There’s very little humor in my days, but today I did something that put a slight smile on my face. I had to turn around quickly to see if anyone happened to be watching my accidental discovery. I recently got our old Queen size bed replaced with a hospital bed. I found out it works very well. The foot and the head end both go up and down by an electric motor. It has a trapeze to pull myself up with if I had the strength to use it. I can get in bed better. I found out it had one big drawback. If I have the head end up too high, my body tends to creep down towards the foot end during the night. I can find myself somewhat like a turtle on its back. I had to devise a way to get out, that first week I almost called 911 in a panic. I finally settled down and managed to squirm enough to get my legs over the side, paralyzed as I am. Somehow getting ahold of the mattress edge pulled myself up to a sitting position and almost slid onto the floor. I said to myself, “self,” this is not going to work! There was an old piece of rope in my toolbox that my brother Harlan and I used dragging deer. It was a stout old nylon rope. The edges were all frayed from possibly dragging a 100 deer over the years. That rope would have many stories to tell about deer hunting in subzero weather etc. Old Finlander is not likely to throw anything away. I knew I was keeping that rope for a particular reason. After many years of stacking old coffee cans, I did finally throw away old spark plugs. The point I was trying to get to when my nurse from the VA spotted that ragged old rope she immediately went into a frenzy about those rough, frayed edges tearing my hands all up, this isn’t going to work, she said. I told her I would try to remedy the situation, a few days later, like some lightning flash, maybe an epiphany the problem got solved. Cover the raspy, rough rope with a pair of my wife’s old pantyhose. It was a struggle pulling the pantyhose over the ragged-edges. The toughest lumberjack lady, three ax handles wide don’t have legs that rough. The problem got solved with Finnish ingenuity. That project is what I did today; it is unbelievable; the rope doesn’t have any edges to hurt my fingers now. I know it’s going to work well, no 911 calls. I was proud of myself, then the thought came to me, the next time that nurse comes she’s going to look at that pantyhose rope and immediately say, “that is kinda kinky isn’t?” Would you like me to get you an inflatable doll too? The thought brought a smile to my face the first one in several days, So I thought I would share this with you maybe you would get a smile also. Truth is stranger than fiction. That is for sure.

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