The One-Armed Gourmet

I have started to consider a cooking program. It will cost some serious cash to get cameras installed in my kitchen. I think it will pay off in the end. For a successful television show, there is nothing better than a captive audience. I’m sure the elderly folks starting to develop the constant, uncontrolled, dropping syndrome will relate to it well. My left arm and hand are nearly useless, hence the name; “The One-Armed Gourmet.” My soulmate has gone home. She left early for that big family reunion where the streets got made of gold. She could be waiting for me just beyond the moon.  I feel sure her spirit still walks about in our kitchen, from time to time.

I believe we still bump into each other on occasion. Rose always made the best food on this side of the Pecos. This morning I was craving a cheese omelet. I thought, well, I’ll make myself one. I diced up some ham.  I found out I had no onions, then thought to myself, self, that could be a blessing in disguise. I got the diced ham pieces browned, then started cracking eggs into a small bowl to mix them. I remember she always cracked an egg with one hand. So, trying to be cute and look like I knew what I was doing that’s what I did. I did the first two like an old chef right into the bowl where I wanted them, without many small shell fragments. I cracked the third one and it went on the countertop. My next move was to grab a paper plate. I would slide that egg off the countertop onto the plate. That part went well, but then the cheap plate bent in the middle and the egg splattered on the floor right next to my foot. Tight as I am, I saw no salvage possible for that egg. So, I ended up with a two-egg omelet. The way I drop things, our kitchen gets scrubbed often. After dropping that egg. I said something like, Oh, my! maybe that wasn’t what I said because my wife’s presence got felt. She is determined to break my old habit of cursing at me. I have dropped so many food items. I got a dust-pan with a long handle. I keep it clean; many dinners got back on a plate that way.

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